Sometimes at night i just hope for the best,
so that i wont die before i leave the nest,
and pray for all who need the help,
friends who are sick,
or those who are sad,
people who are mean,
and those who are just quite bad,
although i dont pray for one man persay,
i pray for everyone,
every single day,
becuase i think of you,
my loved ones dear,
and hope for your best,
so that you wont have a fear.

My mother and i do some bonding while riding our bikes around a few blocks. The fresh air is really nice, which often doesnt surprise me how i kinda want to live in the countryside. So as we rode around, my stomach grumbled a little. I had hardly eaten since lunch 6 hours earlier. I know McDonalds isnt a healthy choice, but i really wanted a McFlurry. So my sugar instincts kicked in, and i turned into the entrance, with my mother behind me. As i parked my bike in the designated spot, i saw an elderly couple walk towards their car which was parked behind our bikes. I wasnt really paying attention to them, so i just pulled out the key and started to lock the chain that connected out bikes. My mom's bike was stolen 3 times, so obviously she didnt want them to by stolen again. I asked my mom if she had any money and she started to rumage through her purse. It was at a whim that we wanted to ride our bikes, and i didnt know if she thought i wanted something to eat. She looked for about 5 minutes, and i felt a bit guilty for just expecting my mom to have money on her. My muscles relaxed when she said she had 3 dollars, enough for a sundae and a McFlurry. I started to walk towards the door, when i heard a "pissst" come from behind me. The sound came from the elderly woman from the old couple behind us. As such an oblivious person i am, i didnt notice that they didnt leave the parking lot even when they had reached the car and went inside. Her white hair was curled and she was short and one of her eyes was a bit lazy, but she had a kind Aura around her. In her hand was a dollar. And she offered it to us, and said that when she saw us it brought back memories of when she was in highschool. She and Her friends always pitched in money so that one of the girls could run across the street and go get a pound of Sees's Candies which was 89 cents at the time. She said that they didnt allow the girls to go off school campus so it was a sort of thrill for them. My mother and i smiled, but we refused the dollar. However we did thank her profusley. It was a very cute moment. Respect the kind elderly. 

I cannot hold you when you cry,
becuase im afraid of the walls,
the ones you hold near your heart,
the ones you wont let fall,
I cannot speak to you,
becuase we are faraway,
but maybe when we are closer,
then i can maybe say,
that im here for you,
although the reason is unclear,
beucase i cant,
i cant,
i cant bear to see you cry.

investigator?...wtf...can i just name a superhero?...omg i want Zena the warrior princess to come help me...she can kick all those bad asses!!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!!!

I wait here silently at the bus stop,
curtains of cold sleet pour steadily,
My toes have become numb and i start to cough,
i whisper in my mind,
"dont cough up blood now",
I need to wait,
so these men in white coats can help me,
 the bus will come and i will be free,
pain spreads,
no longer will my wounds stay open,
i will be healed,
i will not bleed,
i will not bleed this useless blood.

Just a little farther,
i could have moved,
to coax a little heart,
and make you feel soothed,
and i cant love you,
i cant comfort you,
im too weak,
too thick,
too stuborn to take action,
so give me another chance,
only if you want to,
and make it ours,
or do whatever pleases you,
It was an almost,
a failure to my peers,
when i could have kissed you,
but then i had my fears.

My cat has a tendency to want constant attention. He will meow at you untill you bend down to his level and pet him. Yes, you have to bend down to his level or he finds it dimeaning. Spoiled little thing. He was once again annoying me, when i couldn't place my attention on him at the moment. I was making a cake for my father, as he had been asking me for a week now and i hadnt the heart to refuse.
Jesse, my cat was at my heels and i had finished the batter and put it in the oven. A thin layer of batter still remined in the mixing bowl, and i set the bowl on the ground next to him. Thinking that if he would smell the batter, he wouldnt like it, and get discouraged by the smell and leave me alone. I was so wrong. He started to lick the bowl with such eagerness that i was surprised. He never liked chocolate, and he never liked my other cake batters. Why this one? Maybe he likes vanilla? I put some vanilla into the cake batter. I sat there, looking at him while he licked the whole bowl. When he finished he didnt meow anymore at me. Instead, he looked grateful and licked his lips with his pink tongue. 
Of course i didnt tell my dad that Jesse licked the bowl, if i did, he wouldnt eat the cake. Maybe i would make this cake again. Just so Jesse can lick the bowl. 

Take me,
please take me,
dont leave me behind,
why is it so easy to leave me,
and not care if your kind,

 but i am stronger,
but i am willing,
and yet you still take her,

you take her,
take her,
the one who wont go,
you leave me,
leave me,
you leave me behind,

when im only too willing,
to set it all aside.

meh...i really have no feelings for Valentines day/....it just comes and goes....like.................. your period....its just there and its there to be endured.......

Well, on the weekend i got my hair dyed....well kinda. It was a process of bleaching and coloring. Not sure how long it will last. Anyway it turned out a coppery orange, a bit red headed if i may add. In some lights it almost looks blond....My dad didnt even notice untill i told him. Poor guy, he shouldnt have a daughter like me. Im such a teenager. He looked at me when i was in the car and started to laugh.
" i have a teenage daughter!"
"Yes, Daddy?"
"You have dyed hair, you wear makeup, and you go on the computer a lot. Is this obligatory for teenagers to do these kinds of things?"
"Daddy, i dont HAVE to do these things. I do all these things cause i like to do them."
Silence.

my father should have a less rebelious daughter. lol.

Anyway, in history we were learing about muscolini, the Italian facsist leader.  He was called the leader or in Italian "il duce."

"il Dushe>?" lol....morgan starts cracking up, and well i start cracking up too...ah..i should really keep my mouth shut...i say the wierdest things...

Today was the day of birth for one of my friends!! i pretty much embarased her by singing happy birthday att eh top of my lungs infront of the school....ahh....i love babies....squishy little things......lol....its just hilarious to me.....like im just imagining everyone in their baby form.......LMAO!!!

*pinch

It was so cold...omg it was so cold that i felt my toes go numb.....i wanna go to arizona....somewhere where its 80 degrees people!!.....i dont think i can ever survive in England or any other cold place as a matter of fact,,,..this isnt supposed to me cold!! I like warm places!!          

*shiver

oh and saw this adorable girl cosplay as Sora....she is so mazing....she has the whole costume and what not...and she has those blue contacts......really pulls it off!!!. :]

OMG...Trinity BLood ended all stupidish....i mean we never got to see if Abel and Esther got together....whatever......and like there wasnt a definite ending.....that just peeved me beyond reason......
i really liked the art though....so much detail.....and for the fact that i loved Esther's hair do....lol...a little boyish...but i like that....
despite my urge to make it sound horrible...it really wasnt....i shall still be an ardent fan....just not of the ending......blah...still a fan of Tori....she alwyas never ceases to amaze me......oh and ps///my pic is of abel and esther...lol she is a nun...and he is a priest.....ahhh forbidden love...lol....ive gone mad....MAD I SAY!! GOOD DAY DEAR SIRS, GOOD DAY!!!

"Virginia"

in the lush virginia hills
they kept her as long as they could
cause they knew when the white brother
found white shell beads
wrapped around her skin --
a life giving river --
her body open as will his hand
and with a "goodbye" there she goes

she may betray all that she loves
and even wait for their savior to come
and in some things, maybe he'll be right
but as always the thing that he loves
he will change from her sunrise to clockwise to soul trading
still she'll lay down her body
covering him all the same

so hundreds of years go by
(the red road carved up by sharp knife)
she's a girl out working her trade
and she loses a little each day
to ghetto pimps and presidents
who try and arouse her turquoise serpents
she can't recall what they represent
and when you ask, she won't know

she will betray

oh virginia
do you remember
when the land held your hand
oh virginia
she will let you back in
oh virginia
you can't remember your name

this song has such a nice beat...i dont know why i like it soo much, but since im obsessed with Tori right now, this will have to do..

I had wanted to post what Gemma said in Geometry:
"All of the girls in my class had blue eyes."
woah....like all of them?...trippy...blue eyes are considered so nice down here in the tan capital.
But she said that they liked brown eyes better..lol
Id trade my brown eyes for blue ones anyday...
Its a pretty funny philosophy that those who have one, crave another.
Updattes:
angry that my english teacher insists on neat handwriting..."DUDE!! I CANT DO THAT!! not even to save my life....so im gonna have to type my english hw from now on....shit..
whatever...whis Mrs. L were back................
this new teacher thinks that we dont have anyother hw than her class....
blah
Obsessed with Tori Amos at this moment...she is one sexy redhead....and she has like 3 kids!!! nice figure youve kept there...
lol...oh dear...Trisha's jelous....

i am so tired though i am pretty sure i get the most sleep out of anyone in the group........
sleeping at 9 doesnt get you your much needed sleep anymore....
AHHHH KHODA MANO KOMAK KON!!!!!!

oh and i only picked this emotion becuase he looks dizzy which is exacltly how my head feels right now....however i am not ditzy...though i can be,.,

ahhh so i am listing my random thoughts...this is how sophy thinks..
LMAO.....omg..........what a nerd.....i mean.....what a stupid nerd.....wow....i really had people hating me.....and then that time,....wow...embarassing........LMAO...........and then he was like "yea i already know"///.,.....wtf./...you are so not a good person to rant to......whatever.......i dont kow if you wax or shave...and that your problme...NO!! i do not want to feel you legs...so stop feeling mine.....whatever...you arent prickly........she was holding her boobs when she was jumping..."im not wearing a bra"........shit....is he looking at me...look away!!......Is this a good time to tell you your boyfriend's gay...?......fingers cold....insert them under my butt while im sittig on my chair.....its pretty dark outside...why do they still talk to me....please dont annoy me...seriously...i have too much time on my hands....ahh....its not a bad feeling when you are sweating in your short shorts.....i kinda like that pain you get in your legs when your running becomes intense......too bad i didnt shave...so im running in my long pants.....orange......eating oranges...im thirsty..............my eyebrows need tending to.......i dont want to pick up the phone....go away.....ahh turn off!!....1....2.....3....4....5....6...7...8...9...10..yes!! it turned off.....ahhh sucks they just left a voice mail...dont know who they are.....blush........ahhh this person is just too nice.........atop being soo nice to me....im a bad person!!!!.............stop calling me pretty!!.your wrong!!!!..you bastard................................not you.....the other person.......yes this person was mean to me.....no the arent wrong...............yes these are real.....no im not talking about your boobs.....dont tell me other wise....................stop ringin!!!!!!!...ahhh......................random.............my head hurts....

there is only one person who knows the true meaning and origin of these beautiful words
"Los pantalones es muy estrechos."

well when someone says that to me usually i think that they need help with somehting. LIke advice or whatnot or somebody to vent on, so i say

"Sure what do you wanna talk about?" or my eyes go wide and i go "OK.."

so i wouldnt turn them down........cause i wouldnt want soemone to turn me down when i wanna talk to them....

You say i am beautiful,
but i feel you are the most beautifull one of all,
you say that i do not speak the truth,
but i have eyes and know my limitations,
I say you are beautiful,
and you scorn me and tell me to speak no further,
You are the sun,
I am the moon, 
You are the night,
I am the day,
I am disgusting you shouldnt want to see me,
shun me,
shun me,
i know you want to,
i am only an asset,
I only hurt you,
i only hate you,
please forgive me.


Our hearts are one,
yet mine is weaker,
when i see you in pain my heart beats faster,
the same blood runs through our veins,
yet mine bleeds for you,
We have the same eyes,
yet i long to see yours each day,
your eyes are the windows to your soul,
that reflect my love for you every day,
that reflect the pain and joy that we share,
we are like sisters, relatives, cousins,
we are friends.

You are annoying,
your are contantly by my side,
you are always smilling at me,
you are too innocent for me,
you are something vile,
I hate you,
but i love you,
you dont understand me,
you think i will agree with you,
You are too mature,
You are too kind,
You understand me,
You are frowning at me,
You dont let me go anywhere,
You are my mother.

OK I AM IN SUCH A MARA AND LAWRENCE MOOD RIGHT NOW!!!!
and since this is  a good day...i will post the first chapter that some of you havent read yet...
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Savior

Mara stared out the window, looking at the mountain scenery. She was on the run, to escape from the corrupt government who wanted to fix her up for good. After the 4^th world war, a chemical nuclear power plant exploded, leaving many people who lived around the area infected. This infection was called by the government as a rare disease and anyone who had it would die soon. Fortunately, the government had an antidote. 95% of the people who were infected too k the antidote, but Mara was part of the 5%. She felt that she didn’t need to take the cure. She felt stronger, faster, and smarter after the explosion, and her body was making adrenaline constantly. The government was just scared of creating a better race. They were afraid of a revolt by these abnormally strong humans. They were trying to keep her down, but that could never happen. As she scanned the Aisles, she saw all the happy families and remembered her own so she frowned. She hated her family when they abandoned her for experimentation by Dr. Dort when they found out she was contaminated. They were stupid, bribed, and afraid; afraid of the government. At least she had Lawrence. That was the reason she took this crummy train. She was going to visit Lawrence and stay with him in the log cabin he had in these mountains. He liked his privacy and so did she. They were going to overthrow the corrupt government, and kill Mirella, also known as Mara’s real mother, who was queen of the corporation. She only realized when she was contaminated that she had been adopted by another family. This was because her mother at the time wasn’t married yet, and would become dethroned if any one found out about her pregnancy. So then Mirella hid in the forest and coaxed her father into sending her away for a year to be in seclusion to finish her princess studies with her maid. After Mara was born she was sent to a family in need of a daughter, but at a price. The daughter would be turned over to the Queen at the age of 17. Mara was now 17 and she did not wan to go back to her mother. Every one had lied to her except Lawrence, and he was the only one she needed.

            Seeing all the happy faces just made her grimace even more. Women gossiping, men sleeping, children yelling; it was extremely painful. Her focus was already dwindling and she felt her short legs go to sleep. Thank goodness she was not noticeable in a crowd. At medium height with medium length dark brown hair and regular features she would not be noticed. She only had to look someone in the eye to be notices because her eyes were a bright violet. Anyone who had been contaminated had bright violet eyes, and the government had specifically told everyone to stay away from those who had those colored eyes. It didn’t matter to her anyway; she never looked people in the eye. In this country which was to be her new home with Lawrence had to be better than living with those country bumpkins in her last home. They always thought that the contaminated were like vampires. They did have similar attributes, but no sucking blood. Her eyes were only scanning the train because she needed to find some sort of opening. She didn’t wan to get off the train at the regular stop because she technically wasn’t on this train. She didn’t have a ticket and she used her super strength to jump on top of the train on the way and climb in. She wanted to know when the train would stop.

            The conductor would know when they were to get off, so she started towards the front of the train. She walked up to the aisle, and she opened the door and gasped at the conductor. Expecting to find an old man she found a boy not much older than her. His age did not startle her but that his hair was red. It was blood red that reminded her of Jila’s blood when her angry mother killed her friend in front of her eyes. Dumbstruck as she was she collected her senses and mumbled to him where the train would reach the station. He didn’t respond so she thought that he couldn’t hear her well. She said it louder, and still he didn’t respond. She said it once again louder but he still didn’t respond. The only down side to her contamination was that she was into her animal instincts and when she saw a fellow contaminated one she would take them to a safe place with them .Like an animal that would take a victim to their hiding place. She tapped his shoulder and he turned around, and all she saw before her black out was those beautiful violet eyes. Over come with the instinct she picked up the guy from the collar and slammed him against the wall rendering him unconscious, and then placing him over her shoulder. The poor guy’s eyes went wide and then he passed out, but she didn’t even respond but then smashed the nearest window and leapt out with him into the darkness with him over her shoulder.

At last she found her way to the cabin kicking down some cedar trees on the way. As her animal instincts died down, she felt extremely terrible. She took a poor innocent guy and then knocked him unconscious and now the train would have no conductor. At least she found one of her own kind. This was the disastrous animalistic mechanism that brought all of the contaminated together. Suddenly the door to the cabin opened and Lawrence gave her a look that meant death.

“You are late, and you bring some other guy into my cabin; don’t you think I would be a bit jealous?”

“No you have to hear me out! This guy is one of our kind and there is something about him that I can’t put my finger on. He is different.”

“What, that he isn’t a guy?”

“No he is a guy!”

“No she is not a guy.”

“How can you tell and I can’t?”

Mara Looked down at the person she was caring and sure enough it was signing feverously at Lawrence. Oh dear. She looked at the girl again and realized her mistake. The girl was probably dresses as a guy to work at the train station for money and she was deaf so that’s why she didn’t hear Mara in the Train.

“Well, its fine, I mean she is cute anyways, it’s better than bringing a guy back from your travels.”

             “Don’t be mean!”

            The girl in Mara’s arms leapt down and slapped Mara hard. Mara stumbled like a fool but took it. She probably deserved that because it was clearly thankless to let her instincts take a hold of her. The girl then panicked, then trembled, then fainted. Mara then picked her up again and too her to her bed and laid her on the soft covers. Mara didn’t know why but this girl had to be someone special she felt it. It was something uncontrollable and something extraordinary. She had to be the chosen one that could save this land from the horrors of the government. She was one with the red hair that was like the blood of the people shed form the horrors that the evils inflicted upon the innocent. She knew and agreed with Lawrence as she laid some covers on the girl.

            “I don’t think you brought her in on accident.”                           

______________________________________________________________________________________________
ha ha!! this is from the creative thing that made me all obsessed about my mara strories....sigh....i think this rough draft is prett crappy but this is like the beginning...its like chapter one....im pretty much all over hte place...and with the other mara stories pretty much are all over the place....like the one where she is insane is like chapter 8...and like the other one is chapter 3...so idk where im relaly gonna end up...
Lol..

OK so my new obsession is a MAnga called Loveless, and no its not my pic!! but i will find a pic and make it me default..
As i am so computer handicapped, i decided to write my story here just so i can get things. done...
And um this is from Lawrence's point of veiw so no one think i am lesbo. K?
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
She had come back from the visit from her mother and she looked exhausted. The look on her face tightened the knot that was already in my stomach from wondering if she was alright. She refused to touch me when i wanted to hug her, and when i wanted to kiss her cheek and wrap my arms around her waist. I missed her so terribly. Those nights when she wasnt with me were the worst. My bed was cold without her to warm it for me when i was done writing to the others about our battle plans. My bed didnt smell like her anymore, and i felt like half of me was gone for that time.

She came in with a look like a defeated soldier. She didnt even hug Lillia who was just as happy to meet her as i was. Poor Lillia to see her in that state, with blank eyes that are normally filled with light. I knew tht somehting was wrong and when i moved to hug her, she pushed me away. I was shocked and i stood there with my mouth open while she walked into the spare room and closed the door. Lillia started to play with her bright red hair, and made some sad noises. It was a selfish act on my part but i then wrapped her in my arms and kissed her in the forehead. She was like my little sister, and hugging her was my medicine. She hugged me back and signed to me whether Mara was sick, and if she was she hoped she would get better. I tried to answer her but i couldnt beucase i truly didnt know anything. 

Mara always hated talking to me about anyhting that related to her mother. We talked about whole bunch of other things, but just not that. After an hour or so of working i started to take my afternoon walk when i realized that a  bit of fresh air would do Mara good. I walked towards the spare room and opened the door and saw Mara asleep on the bed with the blankets askew. 

She was always so beautiful to me. I had always loved her even when she hated me; i still loved her. Her eyes were so big and when she was surprised she looked like a cartoon character. Her cheeks were so smooth and pink, and they were always pink as with her lips which at times mesmerize  me. Mara has such soft lips and i remember the first time we kissed. It was an accident actually, when she tripped on me and our lips met. They were soft and velvety. Now i climbed onto the bed and faced her sleeping face. I traced her lips with the finger and gave her a soft kiss.

Her eyes opened and when she saw me she screamed. Then she turned her back towards me and shuddered. 

"Mara?"

"No." She said it with such a quiet voice that if i wasnt conaminated i wouldnt have heard her.

"No, what Mara?" I tried to ask her as gently as i could, but my voice wavered, beucase i was sort of afraid of the Mara who was hurt by her mother. Mara's mother had always been quite bent in the mind. She tortured Mara when she was younger and raped her repeatedly, and i was afraid that she had done that again. I had let her go to her mother because i thought that since Mara was older and stronger that she would be fine to see her mother. I was wrong, and i would ay dearly for that now.

"Did she hurt you?" Silence came after and then finally she spoke.

"She told me things."  Things, oh dear God what things could she have told Mara that could make her like this?

"She told me who my father was." I felt confused, beucase for Mara knowing who her father is, was the best information she could have gotten, but now she was a wreck. This didnt make sense at all.

"So who is he? Do you think you can meet him?" She shivered and the heavy silence loomed over us.

" He is dead." Her back was sitll facing me but i felt the darkness in her voice. I tried asking her again but she wouldnt answer, it wasnt as if she was being difficult about the subject, it was just that she couldnt seem to find the right words to tell me.

" He is your father."

"What?"

"My father had one blue eye and one green eye. He wears black, and has long brown hair. His skin is very pale, and he was a fighter before he was a merchant. He worked for the government." I was numb. We have the same father? Does that mean we are half brother and sister? I couldnt breathe. My skin feels clammy. I love my half sister. I love her not like a half brother should. Lillia who is not my sister, but whom i love like a sister. This was all to confusing.

"Are you sure he was your father? Are you sure?" I wanted anyhting for her to say that she was only joking and that it was a test to prove that i was a weak soul.

"His name is Kermin, or if you want more proof his fighter name was Blue Lagoon." The last part hit my like a dagger in my heart. Father had told me that when i had gained his trust in a battle. He told me that he only told his real name to his family. We were truly half brother and sister.

"I cant take it anymore. I need to leave. I cant live with you. I have feeling for you that just arent right! I love you, but i am not allowed to! I wanted to kiss you when i walked in but it was just too painful!" She faced me now and tears were now falling from her eyes. She was in pain. It was a deep pain; a woundthat i couldn t staunch, and that was what hurt me the most. I took her by the shoulders and kissed her hard on the mouth. She tried to pull away and pounded at my chest. I was breatheless when i came up for air.

" IT doesnt matter to me that we are brother and sister. I still love you and we cant change this fact. No matter how many times you scream at me and no matter how many times you cut me, i will still love you. I dont think that what your mother had told you is true. There is no way we can be brother and sister. YOur mother has alwyas been trying to hurt you, adn this could be just another of her lies.

She was silent pulled out a knife from the inside of the drawer. She put that knife to her skin and before i could stop her, she cut a deep wound into her arm.

"Mara!" I tried taking the knife awat form her but she evaded me and started to cut agian and again and again. The blankets were now being covered in her blood. It was so terrible, and she was so quiet and serious while doing it without so much as a peep or an ouch from her face. She looked so peaceful when the real deal and pain was truly on her sleeve.I wrestled with her trying to take the knife away from her.
 
I pinned her to the bed with the knife in her hand and my hands on her wrists so that she could do no more damage. I looked at her arms that were covered in cuts and bruises. Tears started to well up in my eyes and an itch was forming at the back of my throat. She looked back at me with eyes so fulll of pain that they were lifeless. Her eyes told me that she wanted to die.

Lawrence, dont save me becasue the devil has already taken me. He has already taken my soul. The devil that has taken my soul is my mother. I am not human. I thought i could be human with you, but then since i loved you i am truly stained."

Mara! YOu dont have to die! YOu are not stained, just beucase you love me doesnt mean you are stained we could start anew and fix what we have broken you cant leave me now!"

Lawrence, i have to leave you. I am carrying a burden in my body. I am pregnant with your child." I stared at her and then my glance went automatically to her stomach. It was a bit rounded but i thought i was beucase she hadnt worked out in a while. Now i felt really happy and very sad at this moment. I was responsible for her pain, for this chid was mine.

It doesnt matter that your pregnant. IT doesnt matter if this child is mine. It doesnt matter. No matter what we wil get through this, beuccase i think that you have been lied to. No matter what, if you are a stranger, or my sister i will always love you and i will never leave you beucase i love you. I will protect you till the day i die." Her eyes became soft and she looke into mine. Her tears still fell but seomthign had change in her and she brought her face closer to mine. I knew it and i just knew it that there was no way that she could be my sister. I closed the gap between us and kissed her tasting the tears that were still on her face. As she kissed my back i was tasting her love. Tasting her pain. I would never leave her, beucase i loved her too much. She was my heart, she was my soul. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________-

OK so people please comment, and please read.....i really want to hear comments beucase i really worked on this.
Hugs!!
:)

OK i really like this video, becasue of the fact that her videos are pretty cool and other stuff.!!
EnJOy!!
Oh and its Britney Spears Related.
So um if you like britney...then dont watch it..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoP3C76ioTU
PS: IM just special like that and i like britney and watch it!!